Jumping at Shadows
by Alyssa2
Summary: [KH1] Riku's fall to darkness didn't begin with a raft or a storm.


Hollow Bastion was an abandoned world. He'd known that much almost from the moment he'd gotten there, waking up on that cold stone outcrop surrounded by eerie, rising water. There was an emptiness there, a stagnancy that was almost palpable. It gave you cold prickles down your spine just to be there, made you want to hurry through the corridors of the castle before the silence caught up to you. The whole world felt suspended, fragile - too wasted to live any longer, but too complacent to die.

But it was another world.

For that, Riku would accept anything.

-

His fingers wound tightly into the blanket, tugging it around him like fleecy armor, pulling it over his head so he couldn't be seen as he sneaked across the bedroom floor. He turned the doorknob just as quietly as he could so he wouldn't be heard before he pushed it open, bright light from the living room flooding inside.

He didn't need the armor anymore now he was out here, but he kept it wrapped tight around him all the same as he crossed the expanse of carpet to the table where his mother sat. He did push the folds over his head back, though, so she could see him.

"Mama," he said.

She looked up from the papers she was writing on, and blinked down at him. "Riku, it's ten o'clock. You should be asleep by now."

"There's a monster in my room," he said very seriously, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. "I gotta make it go away first, but I don't know how."

"A monster?" She smiled a little then, and he frowned in disapproval. There was _nothing_ funny about a monster in the bedroom. "Is it under your bed?"

"Nuh-uh," he said. "Monsters don't fit under the bed."

-

_the shadows were everywhere, seeping out of the sand_

-

He pulled the book down from the shelf, and wrinkled his nose in disdain at the cloud of dust dislodged by the motion. The room had been swept clean when she'd given it to him, but years of neglect had a way of digging into the cracks.

Blowing a little more dust off the cover, he sat down at his desk and placed the book in front of him. The red canvas of the cover showed its age with faded color and frayed corners, but the binding was still sound. He opened the book.

The front page surprised him - where the spine of the book had showed the title pressed in with gold leaf, inside the text was handwritten, in loose, scratching script. A quick flip-through showed this to be the case throughout the book. Some researcher, then, who had thought his results important enough to title and publish, but been too lazy - or else not had enough time - to transcribe and reproduce his notes in print.

Riku shrugged. Well, it didn't matter. A book was a book. He turned back to the front page.

_A Treatise on the Heart, and the Components and Constitution Thereof  
Nu Era 987-992  
A. t. W._

-

"What do you mean," he said, striving to seem unaffected even as his rising voice gave him away, "her heart is--"

The sorceress's face was impassive, betraying no emotion, though when she spoke, her slow, smooth voice was suffused with regret. "I am afraid it is so, child."

The raven perched on her staff cawed, almost mockingly, but fell silent as she languidly stroked its feathers, her fingers elegantly arched. Riku caught his breath, his hands curled into fists, his eyes fixed on Maleficent's face as if he could stare a different answer out of her. The pirate ship creaked around them, rocked by the sea.

"But I got out fine," he said. "And so did Sora, for all I care about him. We both got out fine. She can't - you can't be telling me this. She _can't_ have lost her heart."

"The heart can be a lamentably fragile thing," she said as she turned to face him at last, stooping to his level and cupping a hand over his heartbeat. He recoiled. Drawing back, she splayed her hand over her breast in a gesture of deep sorrow. "My dear boy, it pains me to share this frightful news. Your poor Kairi--"

"It's not lost," he said, wildness creeping into his voice. "Her heart. It's not lost."

"Poor, dear boy," she said. "Come, follow me. Perhaps you will believe the proof of your eyes..."

-

"See," he whispered, pointing solemnly to the wall opposite the window. The monster was still waiting there, ugly and misshapen with a gaping, fanged mouth. It shifted slightly, and Riku was sure he could hear its breath. It was mad now, because he'd gone and gotten a grownup and it couldn't do anything to him. Riku wasn't afraid, but he didn't want to be in here after his mother left. "It's on the wall."

His mother considered it.

"It's a very thin monster," she said.

"That's how it gets in," he agreed, nodding. The monster snarled at him from the wall, but he didn't care. He was safe here, standing in the light from the open door.

-

_they could all come for him and he didn't care, because the door was open_

-

"But the heart is a remarkable creation," Riku read aloud, "sustaining us and all that gives us life, and doing so with astonishing strength, ever steadfast in its duty despite its fragility. In the heart are contained all feelings, all notions of virtue and of iniquity, and it is our hearts that permit us to feel sorrow and joy, to take what we must learn from our life's pleasures and hardships, my name is A. t. W. and I'm a boring jerk who can't write a paper, and I probably smell funny too..."

-

Maleficent couldn't be trusted. It was _obvious._ She was too gracious, too sympathetic, too much a picture of sincerity to be sincere. He could see the brush strokes, the imperfections that exposed her.

(kairi wasn't moving)

She was using him. He _knew_ she was using him. She expected him to dance on her strings, her perfect little puppet.

(kairi stared straight ahead and there was nothing behind her eyes)

Fine. He'd just keep using her back.

-

It wasn't so bad having a girl around, really, even if that meant it wasn't just him and Sora any more. Kairi was nice, and she thought of fun games. She wouldn't fight with them like Selphie would, or the other boys, but despite that, she was never boring, and she always made a good audience.

Most importantly, you could _trust_ her. He'd been so mad when he found out Sora'd told her about the secret place, but Kairi had looked at him with wide eyes and crossed her heart and sworn she'd never, ever tell, and Sora said she'd even pinky promised when he told her. So it was okay.

"Aww, man! Three to nothing!"

Riku struck a heroic pose as Sora fell down in the sand, and gave a little kick that made Kairi laugh.

"Riku beat you again!" she giggled, her skirts flapping around her as she ran to help Sora up.

"He always beats me," Sora said mournfully.

"It's 'cause I'm better," Riku said matter-of-factly. After a moment's thought, he added, "And my sword's better."

"Is not."

"Is too!"

"Nuh-uh. Liar."

"Liar, liar, pants on fire," Kairi agreed.

"I am _not,_" Riku said, puffing up. "It _is_ better. 'Cause it's a monster-killing sword and yours isn't."

"Monsters?" Kairi blinked. "You killed a monster, Riku?"

Riku deflated a little.

"... Well, no," he said. "But that's because they're _so scared_ they won't get near me."

"Like the one in your room?" Sora teased. Riku scowled.

"There's a monster in your room?" Kairi said, suddenly very quiet and small. "But monsters only come for bad kids."

Riku's world stopped.

"Aw, Riku's not bad," Sora said easily, lacing his fingers behind his head. "Besides, it's not a _real_ monster. It's the shadow of a tree. It only _looks_ scary."

Riku stared at the sand. His knuckles were white on his sword.

-

_he wasn't afraid of the darkness_

-

Riku shut the book in disgust.

The corridors were cold, as he left his room, but everything in this world was cold. He'd gotten used to it.

-

Sora jumped back in terror of the shadow that sprang to life under his feet at the touch of Riku's will, staring back at him with incandescent eyes.

Pathetic. How could he hope to save Kairi if he was scared of his own shadow?

-

"Mama?" Riku asked, very very quietly.

"Hmmm?" his mother asked, still reading her book.

Riku squeezed his hands together, looking down, almost afraid to ask. "Am I a bad kid?"

His mother was quiet for a moment, forgetting the book, looking at him questioningly. "Who told you that?"

"I just thought," he said quickly, stumbling over his words, "Kairi said - she said monsters only come for bad kids, and - and that one in my room wasn't a _real_ monster, but--"

"Oh, honey." She set aside her book, and lifted him up into her lap, pulling him close. "Honey, no. You're not a bad boy. You're a good boy, a very good boy."

"But Kairi _said_," he said, and sniffled.

"Well, Kairi's not wrong--" his mother said.

Riku whimpered.

"Ssh, ssh, Riku, honey..." She rubbed his back softly. "Kairi doesn't know the whole story."

Riku paused and sat back, looking up at her carefully. "What d'you mean?"

"Well, Riku, do you think bad kids can ever not be bad?"

He bit his lip and stared at the ceiling in deep thought for a little while before nodding.

"So, do they deserve to get eaten up by monsters?"

"No!" Riku shook his head wildly.

"Of course they don't," his mother said, and smiled as she tapped his nose. "And that's where you come in, Riku."

"Me?"

"Yes! Because there are good kids, Riku, very good kids who don't want anyone to get hurt. The monsters don't like these kids at all, because they don't let the monsters eat _anyone_. So the monsters will come after them first, and try to fight them, so they can eat all the kids they want. But what do you think these good kids do?"

"They beat the monsters!" Riku said excitedly. His mother laughed and nodded.

"And that's why, if you ever see one, you shouldn't be afraid," she said. "Because you're one of the good ones, and you can beat _any_ old monster."

-

_the shadow faded away into nothing and Sora grinned real wide _

_"Leave it to **who?**" _

_and the thing in his hand gleamed silver in the light_

-

He met Maleficent down the hallway, around a turn that went to the lifts, and looked coolly away as she placed a hand delicately on his shoulder.

"Have you read it, then?"

"I got about to the part with the princesses," he said. "I don't know why you wanted me to read that. Was that a research report, or really bad poetry?"

She laughed tightly. "I merely wished you to understand the nature of this undertaking," she said. "And why the hearts of the princesses are so very important to our cause."

He turned his head to glare at her - _your cause, I'm only in this to get what I can from you and save Kairi and then I'm bailing and you've made me so powerful you can't stop me when I do_ - and stopped.

A torch behind them cast Maleficent's shadow, eerie and flickering, onto the wall, and it wouldn't have been worth a second thought except it wasn't the right shape, even at that angle, and shadows didn't _move like that--_

-

The darkness obeyed him, the Heartless danced to his will, he had nothing to fear, nothing barred his way, and he needed to get _out of here._

Kairi was heavy, dead weight against him as he strained, reaching into the stubborn darkness. The fighting outside was reaching a fever pitch, and Hook was _going_ to lose to Sora and he'd be next if this stupid, stupid portal didn't listen to him and

open--

-

"So you'll never have to worry about monsters, Kairi," he said, waving his sword for emphasis. "'Cause I'll protect you. I'll protect _everyone._"

-

_it wasn't fair, it wasn't right, Kairi was still out there somewhere and Sora was here messing around and forgetting his old friends_

-

He stared over Maleficent's shoulder, stared down the dancing shadow as it leered at him from the wall, mocking him with a thousand childhood fears.

"Can they help us bring back Kairi's heart?" he asked.

"Of that," Maleficent said, smiling sweetly, "I am quite certain."

Somewhere, far away, the castaway roared his frustration. The shadow bared its teeth.

"Then whatever else you want me to do," he said, "I'll do it. I'll do anything."

She lifted her hand to his hair, combed her fingers lovingly through the long silver strands. "That's the spirit, my dear," she crooned. "Your sweet Kairi should be on her feet again in no time at all."

"Whatever," Riku said, looking away from the shadow on the wall. "Just tell me what's next."

Maleficent let her arm fall about his shoulders, and drew him along with her down the corridor.

"Did you, perchance, happen to read our long-winded friend's theories about the Keyblade?"

-

"You're stupid!" Sora had cried. "Sooner or later they'll swallow your heart!"

Showed what he knew.

He gasped for air, his whole body ached, his heart burned.

But he had made it here.

-

"When we grow up, let's get off this island," he'd said to Sora. "We'll go on real adventures, not this kid stuff!"

Sora probably thought he was just saying stuff, but he'd meant it. He knew there was a way out, now. He'd _seen_ it, with his own eyes. And it was real, not some stupid shadow on a wall.

They'd open it someday. And then, he knew, they could do anything.

Kairi might cry if it got scary, and Sora might get himself lost if he wasn't watched, but it would be okay as long as the three of them were together. Riku would always take care of them.

-

_"Why?" _

_no no no it wasn't supposed to be this way it _

_"It was mine!" _

_but it slipped from his fingers like sand and went back to Sora stupid Sora weak Sora why why why _

_and the darkness _

_spoke _

_and there was no one else here, no Maleficent no friends no army no Kairi just him and the darkness _

_that told him _

_everything _

_and the way was so clear he just had to do _

_one _

_more _

_thing_

-

He'd been such a fool. He'd held back, believing Maleficent's cautions, as if there was anything to fear.

He'd jumped at shadows too long, even when he knew they had no power over him, even when he'd had power over them. Fear of the darkness was for children, and he was no child.

He was done with it.

Riku threw open the gates of his heart, and called the darkness in.


End file.
